Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
