Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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