Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
