Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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