Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
