well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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