You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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