Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
