One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
