new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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