vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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