gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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