Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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