Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
