That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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