he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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