My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
