She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
