I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
