her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
