He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She told me I should be a condom model.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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