he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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