I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
