The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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