Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
