he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
