i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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