so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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