In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
