I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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