two words: eviction party
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
