Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
