News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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