If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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