my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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