At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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