Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
