I think scott just propositioned me for sex
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
