I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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