ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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