So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
