I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
