I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
