I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
