what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
