He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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