question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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