I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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