i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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