He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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