I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
