threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
