she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
