this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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